So, who has weighed in and who will fess up as to how much more they weigh now compared to 2 weeks ago, or in my case since Thanksgiving?! I myself have been over eating and drinking for 4 weeks. YIKES!!! And how much exercise has there been? Uh huh…thought so…
My only source of exercise has been walking in the Surrey Hills on Boxing Day and a glorious walk on Bantham Beach on New Year’s Eve morning. The rest has been rain, rain, wind, rain and more wine…oops, I meant wind. Sort of. Well, thank goodness THAT is all over right? RIGHT? Silence…
So I’m down to having gained 5 lbs (2.7k) – having lost 2 already just from not drinking. I’m not dieting and not yet exercising properly but the sun is out and it may disappear for another, oh let’s say month, so I’m going for a run. Or a walk. We’ll see.
Hmmm…obviously a lot of people have the same idea but I’m not sure what we all do at 12pm on a Tuesday that we can all be out walking our dogs, running or cycling but here we are. Except, THEY are all moving a lot faster than I am. Er, I think maybe I’ll just go and see if the tree is still up in Kensington Gardens, since it was so beautiful last week… but I suppose that would be procrastinating. (Tree Cheers). Mmm, I could just sit and wonder if Kate is out here trying to shed any muffin top or saddlebags gained over the holidays. Nah, I doubt it.
Okay, here we go. I have sort of stretched but wait! I forgot, I need to make a phone call. No rush. I will just ease into my fitness regime with a quick chat and brisk walk…except Fashionista is too busy to chat to me having just returned from 2 weeks skiing in France. South Africa isn’t back from Spain yet and Fancy is still in Sydney. Come on…somebody must be waiting to procrastinate with me. Somebody must be doing nothing…ANYBODY? Nope…two more friends and no answers. Geesh. Resolutions… grrr.
So, friendless, chatless and recently excuseless, I muster up some courage to start liftoff but…am somewhat stalled…WHAT IS GOING ON?!?
You have got to be kidding me. This can’t be right. I can’t do it! Oh sure, there have been other times when I struggled to jump start an exercise program but I could push through it. I know what it feels like to work your way up again. I know you have to persevere. I know it sucks but you gotta do what you gotta do. I therefore know that starting again feels like your legs are so heavy and so weighed down and rootless as if your children are sitting on a sleigh (sledge) as you try to pull them uphill in the snow…in flip flops. So I get it.
But THIS? THIS? What is THIS? It can’t be me. Just me? NO!!! I must have picked up someone along the way. Seriously. Get off. Get your own legs. I quickly look over my shoulder but nobody is there. Nobody that I can SEE that is but oh yes, I have some company. Why hello Christmas past, Christmas present and Christmas future, nice of you to all stick around. But who is that? Is it? Could it be? Yup, thought I recognized him. Jacob Marley himself. Chains and all just dying to share his long and winding chains with me…and my body.
The chains are so tightly wrapped around my chest that I can hardly breathe. There are more chains wrapped around my waist just tormenting me and others just loosely dangle up and down nearly cracking my pelvis. ‘I believe!!! I believe!!!’ You win! Am I doomed to wander without rest or peace?!? or at least a drink?
I have to stop.
Well, maybe we did watch the Disney version of a Christmas Carol a few too many times this year, but I am not exaggerating when I suggest the amount of weight bouncing up and down around me in the park. Remember A Fitting Place as well? Well, it ain’t pretty people and it surely can’t be safe so it’s probably best for all of us out here if I stop. Exercise – 0, Community Service – 1.
By the way, WHO KNEW that there was a Disney collector Christmas Carol ornament series of Goofy as Jacob Marley!?! Really? Imagine THAT sitting on my shelf. It would haunt me and my love handles for years. C1 will probably want one next year, but I digress.
Since I’m not running and barely walking at the moment, I may as well pop into the Serpentine Gallery which happens to be in the middle of Kensington Gardens, and see what artist exhibition is on this month.
Inside, Egyptian artist Wael Shawky is showing an installation of films using marionettes and child actors in which he explores the Crusades from a different historical and cultural perspective. Hang on …it’s not as heavy as it sounds!!! Then again, I’m still captive and bound by chains, metaphorically speaking…of course. But the marionettes are eerily beautiful and some are strangely comical as their features take on some animal-like characteristics of camels, donkeys and horses.
Anyhoo, the puppets now distract me and the strings are starting to resemble chains and before I start to feel sorry for the little dummies, I realize that this diversion can’t last much longer, and somehow, someway, I have to plod on home.
Back outside and at least it is still sunny but the outdoor installation at the gallery entrance is not making me feel much better. These giant granite boulders look like my profile…huge mass, incongruous proportions, astonishingly defying gravity.
Thankfully, Swiss artists Fischli and Weiss make me laugh with their sculpture title, ‘Rock on Top of Another Rock’. For all the criticism contemporary art receives about its absurdity or abstract and philosophical references, I can’t help but think that as complicated as interpretation of this piece could be, it really is quite simple. I have walked around the rocks a few times now so that I could see it from different angles and consider the contradictory weightlessness, its setting and the precise engineering of the work. It is clever, fun, engaging and more beautiful than you would expect.
So, if 2 Swiss artists can make me think that about huge granite boulders, surely I can shed my metaphorical as well as literal weight and RUN home.
Nah, come on! Baby steps people. But at least I walk home feeling a bit lighter, brighter and most certainly more grounded.
Happy and Healthy 2014 my dear friends and family!
pukka Detox Tea
boil water and leave to cool while you go for a run
return and start again because you actually walked and it took you so long to get back
repeat every day until you are actually able to RUN back fast enough to enjoy a cup of warm, healthy, aniseed, cardamom and fennel detoxifying tea